The Misguided Viewpoint of Love and Relationships

Relationships have always been on the minds of people throughout history. Several authors, psychologists, relationship experts, and even celebrities have given their opinion on how to make a relationship work. People are astounded when hearing of couples that have been together for 60+ years. The common question they ask them, “What’s your secret?” Why do people feel there is a secret to a successful relationship? Even with all the advice given in the past, people are still looking for the answer. Some have turned to the internet for relationship advice, only to find hundreds of millions of articles, which can seem a bit overwhelming. So why haven’t people found the true answer to relationship problems? Well, it’s a question that can’t be given a clear-cut answer. Everyone is different. So what may work for one couple could have the opposite effect on another.

But what experts can agree on is that all relationships have to be based on love.

Love can have a powerful, emotional effect on people, whether it is positive or negative. It can bring out the best in some, or, if it’s taken on an obsessive level, it can bring out the worst in others. Some are scared away by it, seeing it as being emotionally vulnerable, and so they try to avoid it altogether.

Though love can start off strong it can easily fade away if not nurtured properly. Some people constantly fall in and out of love quite easily. This sometimes is in line with having a misconception of love. Meaning they confuse infatuation with love. Or they feel that being in love is controlling someone else or being overly needy. This can in fact drive people away from them.

The word love can be a difficult thing to say. Men can feel like it’s no big deal if they don’t say the word all the time to their loved one.

When married some husbands might say, “Of course I love my wife. I come home everyday from work don’t I?” In all honesty that is commendable, but when was the last time you said it? The same applies for wives too. Those four letter words can make a big difference in a relationship, but so does someone’s actions. If you don’t get any thing out of this article do keep this one point in mind; you never know someone loves you until they do something to prove it. However, this doesn’t mean it's ok for a person to emotionally manipulate you into doing something you don’t want to do. True love is based on two factors: Honest communications and respect.

Can people find love without it leading to marriage? Yes, only if both parties agree to not getting married. Some people choose not to fall in love, or get married, and that is understandable. However, you need to let the person you are dating know about this. Within three to six months of dating, the other person could already be talking about wanting to get married. Don’t string the person along by playing mind games. Like saying, “Yes, I would want to get married”, then the next day say, “No” and then “Yes” again. It adds more confusion and pain to the other person. This could probably lead them into thinking that something is wrong with them, when you know very well it’s you that’s afraid to commit.

But this too goes for the person being misled. Beware of people, preferably men, which claim to be “damaged goods” or have “issues.” It’s a way to make himself, hopefully, seem less appealing to you. In guy terms it’s his way of saying, “Hey, don’t take this thing between us serious.” In reality, when a man really likes a woman he wants to impress her; whether by his wits, charm, smarts, material possessions, finances, handiness, or humanitarianism. A guy’s demeanor speaks volumes. So when you think about it if a man really likes a woman, why then would he put himself down?

It reminds me a lot of someone being interviewed for a job. Now if the person really wants the job would they tell the interviewer “Well, I’m lazy, unreliable and almost never come to work on time.” Does it really seem like that person wants the job? Of course not! But, rather, they would do their best to prove that they are the one qualified for the job. The same analogy could be applied to a potential relationship. If a guy is really interested in someone, he'll prove that he’s worth their attention.

But, if you feel you are being strung along and the person never gives you a straight answer, because they change their mind back and forth, it’s best to run from that relationship. Don’t be surprised if one day that person, out of frustration over the commitment issue, will cut you off completely with no explanation whatsoever. You will be left wondering what happened and suffer from the pain. As for them, they will move on, continuing to do the same thing all over again. History will repeat itself.

I know relationship experts always say be honest when first meeting someone. But in reality no one is ever honest when they just start dating. That’s why it's important not to rush into a serious relationship right away. Wait until you know the person well. As the old saying goes, “Time reveals all.” One way to speed up the process is seeing how the person you’re dating interacts with their family and friends. You might see a side of them that could shock you. However, some women will see the bad habits/attitude of the man they are dating, and though being repulsed, they will continue to stay in the relationship, even up to the point of marriage. Why? Because they want to settle or think that “they can change him.” It is a bit presumptuous to think you change a person. A man will change only if he wants to. The same person you are before marriage is the same person you’ll be after marriage. The only thing that changes is the living situation and responsibilities within the home.

Another major topic that couples are concerned about is cheating. Today, more than ever, having an affair is becoming a common thing. Some psychologists even encourage affairs as a way to “spice up” the relationship. But there are many reasons as to why people have affairs. It can also be related to commitment issues. Or they are not getting something within their serious relationship, so they go outside the marriage and look for it. Surprisingly, it can have nothing to do with sex-at first. It can develop into an emotional-like friendship which could then lead to sex. Personally, I would never encourage someone to leave a person that is cheating on them. The choice to forgive or not is a personal decision that you’ll have to live with. The only exception would be if your partner constantly cheats and refuses to seek help. It would be best to leave in order to avoid contacting an STD; or if your life is in danger, such as facing emotional and/or physical abuse.

Don’t lose hope! A successful relationship is possible only if both people really work hard on making it last.

Written by: Bridget Campos

Originally posted on July 16, 2009
Link: http://sahmanswers.com/news.php?readmore=1017

Beyoncé Knowles - I Am . . . Sasha Fierce

I Am . . . Sasha Fierce became R&B singer Beyoncé Knowles third No.1 solo album upon its release in November of last year, and continues to remain successful not only on the Billboard charts but around the world. So far, Sasha Fierce has gone double platinum.

On Beyoncé’s Web site, she explained the album's concept and why she had chosen to reveal this alter ego of hers named, Sasha Fierce. She stated, “I am in a different place right now and I wanted people to see the many sides of me. The music is upbeat for the dance, fun side and it is reflective, passionate and serious for the personal side. I have taken risks here. I am not afraid and my music will explain it all. There is no label or tag on my sound. It's me and I am so excited to share it with the world.”

Beyoncé spent nearly a year making this album, more than on any other solo album of hers, even when she was with former group, Destiny’s Child.

The album contains two discs as a way to further the concept of the dueling personalities. The first disc is music from Beyoncé and contains the album’s first hit single, “If I Were a Boy.” Most of the songs on the first disc are contemporary/R&B ballads that sound a bit somber, but it does have a sweet-melodious tone to it.

The second disc contains more upbeat music. Aside from “Single Ladies (Put a Ring on It),” the other tracks have more of a techno-like sound that features Beyoncé’s alter ego, Sasha Fierce, who displays traits of a strong, outspoken, sexy, and independent woman.

However, hasn’t this personality been displayed before in her other two albums, B'Day and Dangerously in Love? What about when she was part of Destiny’s Child? More specifically in songs like “Ring the Alarm,” “Baby Boy,” “Crazy in Love,” “Survivor,” and “Say My Name.”

Though Sasha Fierce is an inspiration of Beyoncé’s stage performances, her alter ego fails to make an impression in the album itself. If she had another title to this album, minus the alter ego, it would have been successful regardless.

Perhaps, the album’s concept was a prelude for fans to go see the full effects of Sasha Fierce in concert, which kicked off in March of this year.

Why do so many artists use alter egos, anyway? There can be several reasons why. Sometimes artists will use alter egos as a gimmick, in order to boost their career if they are starting to have declining album sales and/or star status. While other artists use alter egos as a way to branch out to another genre of music that is different from what they would normally do. Some past examples include Garth Brooks as Chris Gaines, Mariah Carey as Mimi, Christina Aguilera as Xtina, and so on.

Some of these alter egos have turned out to be memorable, while others forgettable. Some very successful alter egos that come to mind are: Eminem as Slim Shady, The Beatles as Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band, and David Bowie as Ziggy Stardust.

When presenting an alter ego, there should be something about the character that stands out as different. That includes a completely separate sound and image from the original artist.

The second disc failed to make Sasha Fierce stand out as unique, fresh, and edgy; or, dare I say, more appealing than Beyoncé herself.

One prime example is of the song, “Diva,” which sounded exactly like the Lil Wayne song, “A Milli.”

I know die-hard fans of Beyoncé will completely disagree with this review. But there was nothing significant about Sasha Fierce that hasn’t already been seen before. The album seems to have more of a marketing appeal than artistic effect.

Beyoncé is a very talented singer, songwriter, and performer. She doesn’t need a gimmick attached to her.

Overall, Sasha Fierce is a pretty good album. But if you must compare, Beyoncé’s last album, B'Day, was much better.

The best songs on this album, I Am . . . Sasha Fierce, are “Halo,” “Disappear,” “If I Were a Boy” and “Single Ladies (Put a Ring on It).” Just these four songs alone make the album worth buying.

Reviewer's Rating: 6 out of 10

Reviewer: Bridget Campos

Originally posted on June 24, 2009
Link: http://thecelebritycafe.com/cd/full_review/14278.html

“What I Wish For…” - A Short Story Based on True Events

It was late at night and very cold outside. My mom told me we have to move out of our place by tonight or the apartment manager will call the police on us. I tried asking her where are we going to live, but she was too busy boxing things up around the apartment. I guess we have to move out because my dad lost his job about a month ago. Ever since then my parents have been arguing all the time.

Last week my mom found out that my dad lost his job because he kept calling off work, just so he could go drink and do drugs with his friends. So the next day my dad left and we haven’t heard from him since. I don’t really feel happy or sad about it. Ever since I was a baby I don’t remember my father being around. But when he was around he was drunk and always yelling. It wasn’t until these past couple of years that my dad started living with us on a regular basis.

I hate moving! I have already been to six different schools and every time I make a friend my mom tells me we’re moving. Not that I hate sharing my thoughts with you, but it would be nice to hang out with someone. I’m happy that my mom encouraged me to tell you how I’m feeling about anything. It’s like you’re my best friend I have so far.

Since we can’t afford to live anywhere, for now we have to sleep in the car, which at first was scary. My mom didn’t sleep at all because she would drive to different places, making sure that we were safe and that no strangers would bother us.

I really miss my grandma. I know she would have taken care of mom and me. My grandma and dad never got along. She hated that my father was on drugs and the way he treated my mom. One time my grandma sent us to Alaska, where she raised my mom, so we could hide from dad. But my mom was lonely, so we moved back to Nevada to go look for my dad. After that my parents got back together and I never heard from my grandma again. Later on my mom told me that grandma died.

My father always told me to never take drugs because “it will ruin your life.” I just wish he would have listen to his own advice. In four days I’ll be 11 years old. My dad was 11 years old when he started smoking pot. He always told me stories about his childhood. His father was mean to him and his four brothers. Whenever his brothers did something wrong, my dad would be the one to get hit. This is the reason why my father would never spank me. He said that, “It brings up too many bad memories.”

Finally we’re able to stay at a shelter for a few weeks. Hopefully we’ll find a home to move into, or maybe my dad will come back and help us. But for now we have to share a bunk bed.

Last night I wasn’t able to sleep, so my mom and I started talking. I asked her, “Why won’t dad stop taking drugs?” She said to me, “You have to realize Karen that we can’t stop your father from taking drugs. The only thing we can do is be there for him.”

My mom told me that when she first met my dad, before he was on drugs, he was a very kind and patient person. I wish I could have seen for myself what type of person my dad used to be before the drugs and alcohol.

She also explained that when a person’s on that stuff it’s like they become someone else, but in a bad way. I sort of understood what she was talking about, but not really. I don’t know what’s going to happen next for my mom and me. The only one thing I wish for is that someday my dad will come back a changed man.

Well, I’m kinda sleepy now so I’m going to bed. I’ll be going to a new school tomorrow. I really want to bring you with me, Lizzie. But I don’t want to get in trouble again for writing in my diary during class, so I’ll tell you all about it as soon as I get back. – Night, Night for Now, Love Karen.

Written by: Bridget Campos

Modern Music’s Lack of Influence on Society

The real reason why music is becoming less meaningful.

There have been certain events in history that have made such a great impact on society. Because of these events, songwriters have been inspired to express about such things in their music. One of the most monumental examples was in the 1960s, during the social movement in America. Songwriters were inspired to write protest songs, about the civil rights movement and race relations, the Vietnam War, the generation gap, and the women’s movement. This in turn stirred people into action, as they became more involved in their community. Personally, I could just imagine what it was like to live during the 1960s, and having a chance to witness social movements that were inspired by the most influential artists around––such artists as Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, the Who, the Beatles, the Rolling Stones, Bob Dylan, the Grateful Dead, Sly & the Family Stone, the Doors, David Bowie, and Pink Floyd.

Yet, throughout the years, times have changed and so has music. Today’s popular music tends to focus more on catchy beats rather than meaning. It seems that people tend to enjoy music that focuses more on “clubbing” rather than on current events that affect the country, on a social level. Now I know there are certain songs that discuss how society, in general, is changing, like in the Black Eyed Peas song, “Where Is the Love?” But there are a very limited amount of songs that discuss current events in America, and why these things should matter to people. Mostly alternative and punk bands do this, but it would be nice if more R&B and rap artists would do so as well.

The only exception wasn’t until the year 2000. During that time, former President George W. Bush had been voted into office and soon afterwards on September 11, 2001, terrorists had attacked America. Soon after that, artists from all genres of music had banded together in protest against the Bush administration, the 9/11 attackers, and the war in Iraq. In 2004, rapper Jadakiss wrote a song, titled “Why,” that went so far as to accuse Bush of directly being involved in the 9/11 attacks. In the song's lyrics he asks, “Why did Bush knock down the Towers?” which is in reference to the World Trade Center that was in New York. This song was eventually banned on some radio stations and some of the controversial lyrics had been censored. When asked why he wrote this song, he stated, “I wanted to make a song that could appeal to a broader [group]-and not only the hood. I wanted to make something that would touch people at home in white America.”

Though some artists of this generation have been involved in creating protest music and anti-war songs, certain artists have felt their efforts are falling on deaf ears. It has failed to cause radical changes on society, when compared to the influential music of the 1960s.

But on a positive note, this proves that in a time of such devastating events, artists can come together to create unique music, that can influence society. However, some might wonder, why should such a devastating disaster, such as the 9/11 events, have to happen before artists realize that they should produce songs that are actually meaningful, and can in fact inspire people to get more involved in social issues.

In all fairness, we can’t blame all of this on artists alone for producing less meaningful music. A lot of it has to do with people just not being interested in these topics. It just seems as if some don’t care, or aren't even aware, of social issues affecting the country, much less the world. Back then people cared more about freedom of expression and equal rights. People now want to avoid controversial subjects and want to turn a blind eye, thinking that eventually the problem will be fixed on its own, and all they want to do is just party. They tell themselves, “I want to dance and get drunk to forget about my troubles. The bad things in life are depressing, so I don’t wanna think about that.” So artists give the people the music they want to listen to, because that’s what sells; it’s like everyone wins. However, celebrities in the entertainment industry, whether in music or movies, do have a moral responsibility and the strong potential to influence people, but some try to escape from this responsibility, focusing more on the light-hearted side of life and less on serious and controversial issues. But in life you can always turn a negative situation into something positive, which can influence people. It all depends on a person’s outlook on the matter.

In a commentary written by Tony Sclafani, titled “Hello Obama, goodbye meaningful music,” he stated that “unemployment is hitting record highs, the banking system is in shambles . . . what we need now are mainstream artists brave enough to be outspoken as they were during the previous administration’s reign [of George W. Bush].”

So, which up-and-coming artists will become a powerful influence for the next generation? Uh, so far it seems like Katy Perry and Lady Gaga. Hopefully these won’t be the only two options out there, but just maybe more artists will step up to the plate and actually turn music around, to once again become the powerful influence that it was before.

Written by: Bridget Campos

Originally posted on March 8, 2009
Link: http://thecelebritycafe.com/features/25445.html